This is a tough post for me to write. I couldn't figure out why it was so tough for me to write but I realized recently why and here it is.
Because paying off $60,000 worth of debt in less than a year is…. Unbelievable.
See, I still don't really even really believe that we just did this. I keep all the numbers written down on a huge dry erase board in my bedroom and each times the numbers change, I erase and update them. I have a starting column and a current column. The board is telling me every time I look at it that we paid off $60k of debt. But I still don't believe this. I really don't.
So I clearly need to work on this new reality we just created which is basically this: we no longer have debt. We still have our mortgage but it is lower than what most other people have at $135,000 (home is valued at $300k or more). We own all of our cars and we have no debt. And if we keep going at the rate we are going, we could own our own home in less than two years or we could have a quarter million dollars saved away for an early retirement.
Hang on a minute while I let that sink in. We could own our home in less than two years or retire early.
Honestly, this scares the shit out me. And I had a hard time figuring out why but now I know. Before we only had one place to put the funds. And that was towards debt. It didn't require a lot of thinking or planning. Just transferring the money to the highest interest rates cards or loans and whacking them down. But they are gone now. And we have been playing this game of paying down debt ever since I started dating my husband almost 20 years ago. Many people play this game so you likely know exactly what time talking about.
You see, he and I have had this dance we played throughout the years. Pay off the debt every time we got a bonus or some windfall. And then rack it back up again slowly throughout the year. Rinse and repeat. But each time we did, I was sad and hurt and broken-hearted. Instead of putting our Christmas bonuses towards something we really wanted. Such as a three week trip to Hawaii or a summer long road trip on our motorcycles. The credit cards or the car loans were getting them each time.
Almost twenty years of this of this dance. And the result has been this: I don't feel safe or stable or secure. That has been the story playing over and over in my head for the last 20 years. But now we have a chance to do something different and it scares me. We have a chance for a brand new story and yet... I feel tremendous anxiety to the point where I lie awake at night thinking “what are we supposed to do now?”
Before we had only one place to put the funds and it was easy. No thinking about it. It was a very well practiced dance. But now…. well now we get to decide where to put the funds. And the choices are endless. Now instead of looking at one door, I'm looking at dozens. Do we put the money towards retirement? An IRA? In savings for emergency cash? Do we pay down our mortgage or save instead? All of this is leading to decision fatigue. It is a very real thing. Decision fatigue is a result of too many choices, and anxiety (am I doing the right thing?) and fear (what if I make the wrong choice?) and feeling a weight of responsibility (this affects not only me but others too).
We did meet with a Edward Jones financial advisor. And it was helpful for us. But I realized that a lot of what they offer, we can do on our own. However, you get the peace of mind of not having to think or worry about it while someone who's very in touch with the financial market babysits your money for you and maybe brings in 12% return rather than 8%. And you get the benefit of a more experienced guiding hand. Which may just be the thing to help me with my decision fatigue. So there's yet another choice facing us. Do we outsource or do it on our own?
As I write this, I am realizing that I will be struggling with this for a while. That being scared is a good thing. And that my anxiety over a new way of life is probably something I need to address. I also need to work on this dread of “when will the shoe drop?” It is all growth. Growth and change: It can feel like coming to the end of the landslide and now you must sort through the rubble one rock at a time.
But the thing I have got to work on the most is this new mindset: “wow, this is real. WE DID IT!” A friend told me, “do something to celebrate!” But that goes everything we have been doing for the last 20 years of our life. Celebrate? Doesn't that cost money? Celebrate? People do that? But I do think she has a point and it can be something as simple as going out to dinner with my husband and toasting each other to acknowledge all that we just did.
So here's my toast: “we did it! We paid off $60k of debt in 2016. And 2017 will be the beginning of a brand new life and brand new way of thinking. Cheers!”
PS: Coming soon… how did we pay off so much debt? For now, I will tell you it was a mix of immersing ourselves into a minimalist lifestyle as well as my husband becoming an independent consulting and making more money. It's important to note that while my husband made more money we could not have done this if I had not adopted the minimalist lifestyle. Earning more money often just leads to spending more. We did NOT increase our level of spending with my husbands increased income. So important!
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